I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
