my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize