Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
