Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
