Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
