My underwear smells like fireworks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
