I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
