im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
