OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
