these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
