Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They have beer where we have blood.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
