What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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