What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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