You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
