I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
