I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
