some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
