i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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