If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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