I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
