He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
