I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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