I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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