Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
