I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
