your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
