you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize