in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
