When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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