my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
