I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
