we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
