so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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