you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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