i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize