i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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