I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
