I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
