You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
