It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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