I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
