do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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