i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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