was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
