My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
