Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize