this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
