Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He has the fingertips of a God
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
