Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
