I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
