i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
