Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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