I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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