$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
