the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
