sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
