Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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