I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
