I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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