I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
