who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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