This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
