My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm passing your future prison.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
