his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize