He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
