I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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