Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
