i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
