I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
