based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
