I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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