To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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