well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize