im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
