I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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