I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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