i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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