we made out on top of his cat.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
